7.22.2009 Dream of  Aloha O'e - I'm on a half-full city bus, to come see you.

I'm talking with a friend. She's standing, looking in my direction, and I'm sitting down facing the front. I'm anxious to see you.

I look toward the front of the bus, and I see two women kissing. The blonde woman undoes the other's shirt from the top down, lifting out her large breasts. She makes her massage and lick her own nipples. Another woman comes from the stop we've made, and starts to suck on them, as the blonde talks to the people on the bus. The older gentlemen in the seats that directly face the women are jovial, talking with the blonde and smiling.

Other people are looking, and the blonde says that the show will continue, but only if we sing with her. She begins to sing and people start joining in.  The bus begins to hum and sing with her, but it takes me a moment to recognize the song - Aloha O'e.

Everyone is watching.

The blonde reaches into her pocket as if she's taking out a camera. It takes a split second for me to realize that it's a gun as she says "Goodbye, people" and shoots us all.

My self centers in my chest, where I am warm and it is dark. I think your name, then I think "there is pain, you are loved, you are loved."

The warmth fades out, and I wake up shaken.

4.26.2009 Dream of Your Enlightenment -- I was you. I was dreaming with my images and your places. It was your dream. Things made sense. It felt sharp at first, and I was confident and determined.  I felt like I imagine you feel when you're by yourself.

I was in a big city. Everything was in straight lines, very geometric, with bright and dark outlines, like a very good comic.  I knew I was walking East. I was determined to get somewhere. I was looking for something organic and soft.  I had this idea of softness and non-geometry, and I needed to find it. I wasn't sure where or what it was, but I walked confidently and directly.

I walked for hours and hours and hours around this place with straight lines and geometry.  Then, like when a film wants to show a perfect day, I found a golden sky and soft white trees bending in the wind.  Warmth and white and gold, with no outlines and no straight lines.

I was bursting open with all the warmth and joy.

3.27.2009 Dream of Tornadoes and Darkness --  The skies were dark and warm and still and anxious. I was in an old school. The staircases had flooded into shallow waterfalls. I couldn't find you.  I heard roaring. Windows broke, and there were towering tornadoes ripping through the fields around us. I found a little boy trying to get outside, and I held him back. He and I couldn't understand each other. I still couldn't find you.

3.12.2009 Dream of Failed Drowning -- I wanted to drown in shallow water. The sky was bright and clear, the waves were so blue, and the sand underneath was golden. I laid down in the surf and tried to breathe deep. Every wave that came brought me air, and I couldn't die. I was so peaceful and sad.

9.15.2008 Dream of New Drugs -- You made me a new drug for my birthday. A fizzy soft liquid that tasted like roses and gingerale and strawberries. We sipped little mouthfuls out of disposable plastic cups, until our minds spilled open and we saw everything there was to know about joy in each other.

9.15.2008 Dream of Abstract Feeling -- Great halls with crimson curtains and ivory pillars. The way you taste. Curvy women painted gold lingering in statue poses. Great huge windows with billowy curtains and blue skies. The way you whisper when you want to turn me on. Being pulled under dark water by surging waves, without fear or struggle. Surfacing out of subway tunnels into the busy afternoon.  Falling slowly. It's all too much.

8.10.2008 Dream of Tornadoes --  We were on a dirt road along my summer field. The sky was blue, but there were quickly moving clouds in the distance. You began to shout as the clouds began to twist themselves into cyclones. You wanted to run away, but I wouldn't leave. I knew that we would be okay. I told you that you would love the experience once it was over. You didn't believe me, but you wouldn't go without me. You argued and fought to get me to go, and I refused until we were surrounded by tornadoes. I told you then that we could leave if you wanted, but there was no safe way out. You stopped fighting. I smiled and we sat cross legged on the ground, staring up at the swirling sky.

7.25.2008 Dream of Lost and Found -- I am my mother when she was as old as I am now. I am walking through a densely wooded path. Indigo, purple and thousands of shades of green and brown. I am looking for a specific beach that my parents used to take us years ago. I walk for hours and hours.

Night comes and I am approached by a horseman with broad shoulders and dark hair. I recognize him, but don't know his name. He rides beside me for a while down the path until the air feels like morning again. I am deep enough into the path that I cannot see the sky any longer. He leaves me with his horse, and I feel confident that I will make it to the beach soon. I ride for hours and hours.

The foliage at the side of the path has changed. Tall grasses and vines block the view in. I feel I recognize this.This must be the beach. I am excited and anxious. I dismount and push away the reeds and walk into the woods. There is no beach here. Mud and moss covered logs, dirty water. It's night again, and I return to the path. I feel I cannot go on. I have lost my horse. I am alone. I cry in the darkness. I know I cannot stay here in this nothingness, so I go on. I walk for hours and hours.

The trees above me begin to part, letting in spots of daylight. A car pulls up beside me, and my family is in it. Gary, Danny, Katie. We say nothing to each other as I climb into the passenger seat. We drive forward, and I feel lighter. I have given up on finding the beach. I am done searching.

At the side of the road I see the foliage has changed again. Tall grasses and vines block the view in. I feel I recognize this. I leave the car, and push aside the reeds. I walk through the woods, dewed leaves scraping my legs. I push through into a bright white light.

Gritty sands and high cliffs. Clean air and the smell of the water. My father, my grandfather, is sitting at the top of the cliff in a great big beach chair. A brilliant gold bird is perched heavily on his shoulder. He's smiling and laughing and waving. He's been so happy here. He's glad I've arrived. He knew I would make it.

The golden bird flies overhead and dives into the water.

7.16.2008 Dream of Sex and Love -- We were in a greenhouse, talking about something meaningful. I brought up the idea of love. You forced me to my knees. After you came, I mentioned love again. You shrugged, and I was more than satisfied with that as an answer.

7.06.2008 Dream of Summer -- We were laying in a field of gold grass. The sun was warm and soft. You were singing gently to me as you rocked on top of me.

 7.04.2008  Dream of My Brother's Funeral --  Danny had died. I don't know how. A large woman who smiled too much planned and lead the funeral. It was in a big church where my elementary school is. They played quiet music and said prayers. Frantic, I left. I had to be louder. I knew that if I was loud enough Danny could hear me. I wandered through the sterile church corridors up stairs and ladders trying to find a way to be louder. At one point I was in a bell tower, but there was no bell for me to ring. I began to weep as I tried to find my way back. Down one corridor I heard voices singing. I followed the voices until I found myself bawling on my knees in the aisle of an enormous congregation. I screamed that my brother had died, and they sang louder and louder to drown me out, until I could no longer hear the sound of my own voice. There was ringing in my ears, then an immense silence.

6.29.2008 Dream of Death and Water -- It was a hundred years from now, and we had returned to tribal existence. Ours was celebrating  the coming of summer and we were praising water and sun and life. We were at our man made lake - a large square pool with granite slabs as frames. One side of the lake had many of our people basking in the sun watching others swim. The other side of the lake had shelves of artifacts of the past: sneakers with Mario mushroom fabric, iPods and speakers, stuffed toys, sex toys and vibrators.

We had swum out to the far wall, and were kissing and touching each other. No one minded, and we felt no need to keep our bodies and selves secret. As we climaxed the leader of the tribe called everyone to quiet. He told us that we kept our celebration despite the threats of the neighboring tribe. He told us that the attack was coming soon, but we could not be sure when until we saw a sign.

A giant spiral ring of smoke filled he sky behind the people of our tribe. You and I dove underneath the water, mouths and bodies together fighting to keep air in our lungs as the sky turned red and black beyond the surface and everyone died.

6.29.2008 Dream of Apocalyptic Gods -- It started with hieroglyphics, black calligraphic lines on terracotta stone, morphing into Mayan pyramids filled with people. Outside was dark and I couldn't see. The world was ending, and we were trying to survive. There were gods of all sorts around us. We fucked surrounded by fires and flowers and water, surrounded by gods of beauty and lust and love. You meant it as much as I did. We were so warm.

I don't know when and how the dream split, but I was without you, walking through corridors of people without belief in my gods. One man asked a god that looked like a bat and a demon if we would survive the end outside of the pyramids. The god said that they would, but that they would grow to wish they didn't. Tears and starvation and cannibalism and fear and darkness. I knew that he asked the wrong god.

6.23.2008 Dream of electric sex -- I don't know what we took, but it made me see only you. Pulsing energy and complete silence. We couldn't stop touching each other. Every time your fingers touched my skin I felt little jolts of electric orgasm. When we finally connected the silence exploded into a great burst of noise and colour and light, but I could still see only you.

5.17.2008 Dream of Night Music -- Alex and I were playing our band instruments as loud as we could in the middle of the night. Me on my clarinet and her on her flute. All of the neighbours were banging on the walls. Patrick began banging on things as well to make as much noise as possible. We had more fun than anyone else ever.

5.17.2008 Dream of Patrick and Turkeys -- We were driving down that dark treed road in Waterloo to get more drugs. We had stopped at a stop sign, and I saw the outline of a giant wild turkey on a tree stump. You didn't believe me until you turned on your high beams and there were dozens of them walking around. You said that you hadn't ever tried wild turkey, and we began chasing them down with your car. I screamed at you but you kept telling me that you were hungry. You finally stopped chasing them when I agreed to get one for you. I put my hand outside the window and caught a little tiny chicken, which you tried to get me to kill. I threw it out the window, and we went home.

Now I know better. If I ever see a turkey, I'm not telling you.

6.10.2008 Dream of Sex in Northern Canada -- I suppose it was daybreak. The water was still and clear enough for us to see the roots of the water flowers floating near the canoe. There are no signs of other people for kilometers. We take off our clothes and quietly slip into the water. The ground underneath is rocky and hard. You pick me up and hold me against you.

6.09.2008 Dream of Saving Douglas Coupland -- I don't usually have epic dreams, but when I do, they seem to be about hiding from large creatures that are destroying the city. It's never out of malice, but out of pure animal instinct that the monsters destroy things, so the city just arranges for everyone to hide out in reinforced buildings when the animals come. But! This time, Douglas Coupland is touring bookstores in the city, and I know he won't know what to do when the giant lizard comes.

I must save him!

My mother takes my photo in case I die on my journey. I suit up like a power ranger, and begin running around the city looking for Douglas Coupland. I find him in a cheap hotel on a road called "Vancouver Street," just as I expected, and he gets into a power ranger suit as well. We decide that the giant lizard is docile and we climb onto it, riding it around town as it destroys things.

5.08.2008 Dream of Night Romance - - We were walking at night. We heard voices and flew through the air. The grass was wet and uninviting, so we couldn't sit down. We searched for higher ground with golden light and black shadows. We kissed. I loved you without question. We swayed and cursed as we fucked in our new quiet place. We could still hear the voices. I couldn't see colours.

6.08.2008 Dream of Ghost Selves -- I'm walking down the sidewalk on a busy city street. I pass a green patch covered in dandilion poofs, and a shimmery ghost version of me sits cross-legged in the grass, plucking the flowers and blowing the whites away. I pass an older man sitting outside of a shop, and a ghost version of me sits with him, holding his hand as he gazes sadly. I pass a parent with a giggly child, and a ghost me picks him up and starts babbling happy noises at him. I walk further down the street and more and more of me part. Some of the ghosts do happy things, others sad and one was almost violent.

Every time a ghost me leaves, I feel clearer and lighter. Eventually I get to an intersection, and before I cross I take a look behind me. All down the road there are ghost pieces of me interacting with everything I passed. I feel entirely at peace.